OUCH!!!!!!! So today was the Tyndale Alumni Day, which basically means that past players from the volleyball and basketball teams come back to play the current teams. I never really thought about it before but pretty much this whole thing is designed to make the alumni look bad. First reason being that we are alumni which means that A) we are generally older, B) We don't practice as a team which causes some people to C) to yell out oops after the bump the ball in the wrong direction. That person of course not being me. (it actually worked out ok, the other team wasn't expecting me to just bump it back over with one hit, they weren't finished switching and we got the point, even with my oops.) To sum it up, we only won one game against the current Tyndale team, they aren't too bad this year. In other news, I am still in Toronto, I am very tired and various muscles hurt due to my lack of any exercise. Hopefully i will make it out of bed tomorrow, even then I need to decide if I am going to head home on a bus to Toronto or wait for my friend Steph to go with her. (i have a friend name steph,dont worry) Sonow i am really tired and i have my eyes cflosed and I am typing this glog not being able to see where my fiengers are going. I hoipe its going to tiurn out ok. Even if it doesn't i dont really care, im not going to fic it. I think that everyonbe should try to type without looling its reallyh fun, myabe from now on all of my blogs will be written without looking at th. e keyborad

I love this poem. Its called Easter Wings

Lord, who createdst man in wealth and store,

Though foolishly he lost the same,

Decaying more and more,

Till he became

Most poore:

With thee

O Let me rise

As lark, harmoniously

And sing this day thy victories:

Then shall the fall further the flight in me.

My tender age in sorrow did beginne:

And still with sickness and shame

Though didst punish sinne,

That I became

Most thinne.

With thee

Let me combine

And feel this day thy victorie:

For, If I imp my wing on thine,

Affliction shall advance the flight in me.

~George Herbert

all in a day...... so lately life has been pretty drastic for me, I haven't had good news in a long time. So today I get some news (1) Muskoka Woods said they would take me back if I committed to the winter. (2) I found a job for the christmas season. (3) I actually got some homework done today....... but I still need to get my butt into gear. Okay so things are looking up, but now I need to make some decisions. Some say don't go back to the woods, some say ya you should if its what you want. It is what I want, but is it right? I mean I have had no luck in terms of moving to toronto right now. My parents constantly remind me that there is no money at the woods, but there is happiness, community and friendship. I feel safe there, and if rec ministry is what I am suppose to do then I just need to hang in there and fight for what I want. So at this point I dont know, but things are looking up for me.

Why do people hide when the are struggling? Especially from family? Our family is supposed to be the one group of people you can go to not be made fun of or ridiculed for telling the truth. So how far will people go concealing their feelings from others, or how far will the others go on not bringing up important issues that could possibly change someone's life? These past two days have been very hard on my family, a member of my extended family decided that it was better to end their own life, then to search for help in other lives. What caused it to get to this point. Just yesterday I find out that there are several members of my extended family who suffered with depression, no one talks about it. No one celebrates the healing. And this constant silence left this other depressed person with nothing, not even a glimpse of hope from other success stories. So what did they do?, the one thing that they felt they could still control.... their physical life. Its sad, myself and the rest of the family were very hurt. I don't normally cry, but the thought of someone very close to me wanting to take their life is horrible. More horrible that disease or sickness, at least those things come on God's timing, but not suicide. I can't help but blame myself, maybe if I had been more aware of the dark msn nic names, or at Thanksgiving if I had taken time to talk this person. But I know its not my fault, not even a little bit, but pointing blame makes this situation so much easier. Things will never be back to the way they used to be but at least now there is an understanding amoung the family, we will no longer suffer in silence.

Ok

So its a new time im in my life,

which calls for a whole new kind of writing process

So what kind of new time am I in? Hah, thats a good question.

Here is what I know, I am in transition..... from one great place to

another.

From Muskoka Woods (front gate) to Toronto .... London??? Front Street?

(okay so those of you from MW will probably think that is cheesey)

But its not for me you see, the work that I was doing at the resort shouldn't be stopped because my location has changed. Big deal, instead of sweet smelling pine trees and fresh air, I have broken exhaust systems( another blog) and barking dogs. But the people are the same, everyone still with feelings, everyone still making a living, and most important everyone still living their lives to achieve what they see as greatness.

So....

Where do i fit into this picture?

I wish I knew

Now...

Don't get me wrong, I know and have faith that God will tell me where to step, BUT

I also know that I'm the one who needs start the

Tango.

So why don't I have my dancing shoes on?

Im scared. Starting over isn't easy.

but am I starting over?

Or am i just taking a new path, allowing myself to grow in a way that I haven't before.

I dont know where I am supposed to be, but I do know that when I find my destination,

there will be....

peace